A Day We Were Mere Minutes From Nuclear Annihilation

Hugh Mungus's picture

Technically, aren't we mere minutes from nuclear annihilation at any given moment?

Moreover, why doesn't this infuriate us? How come the fact that governments dangle our lives over the precipice of decimation, every second, isn't a bone of contention the size of a Tyrannosaurus rex femur?

The title of this feature became a much more imminent reality on January 25, 1995. Oddly enough, most of still aren't aware of it.

The U.S. and Russia nearly ended humankind on the aforementioned day. We're talkin' eradication of you, your family, and everyone on the planet.

If you're reading this article, there's a chance you were engaging in cognitive thought on January 25, 1995. On that date, perhaps you found yourself:

A) driving your car.

B) driving a stolen car.

C) trapped in the Grotto at the Playboy Mansion.

For your sake, we hope you were immersed in letter C, as it was quite nearly the last act of your life.

In order to study the aurora borealis, Norway and the U.S. had jointly launched a harmless Black Brant XII rocket. Although Russia was informed of this exercise, for whatever reason, the message didn't make it through proper channels. As a result, at somewhere near dawn, the Kremlin believed they were under attack from an incoming nuclear missile.

President Boris Yeltsin was awakened and given the sobering news.

Out comes the Russian version of the Nuclear Football, the suitcase containing launch authorization for every warhead owned by the largest country in the world. To be precise, three black attaches, known as Cheget, were opened that morning. One was presided over by Yeltsin, while the other two were handled by Minister of Defense Pavel Grachev and Chief of the General Staff Mikhail Kolesnikov.

Whether or not to discharge two thousand nukes isn't a decision that should fall upon the shoulders of groggy men. Moreover, these dudes had ten minutes to reach their resolution. This is how long it took U.S. missiles launched from submarines in the Barents Sea to impact Russian soil.

Moments prior to dispatch, radar operators noticed the missile in question heading toward the ocean. The heightened state of emergency was cancelled. The end of humanity, as well as every living thing on Earth, except for cockroaches and insurance salesmen, was avoided.

Makes a person wonder if this type of scenario has played out more than once, doesn't it? Well, it has, but those stories will have to wait for subsequent articles.

One question before we discover what's at the bottom of this bottle of bourbon. Doesn't the idea of launching a counterattack in response to a nuclear first strike seem insane? Say Russia fires their missiles initially. As a result, at least half of humanity will die. Wouldn't it be far more advantageous for the U.S. to not launch a retaliatory strike, and thereby save half our species?

Hugh Mungus

© 2011. Hugh Mungus

Reference Index:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Norwegian_Rocket_Incident

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_football

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheget

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/inatl/longterm/coldwar/shatter031598a.htm

http://www.wagingpeace.org/articles/1998/01/00_phillips_20-mishaps.php

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/missileers/falsealarms.html

Kick, Russ. (2003). 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know. pp. 28-29. The Disinformation Company Ltd. ISBN 0-9713942-8-8

 

About Hugh Mungus

Hugh Mungus's picture

Bio

Ex-adult film actor Hugh Mungus wrote four episodes for the television series The X-Files. Fortunately for you, the viewer, none of his scripts were ever produced.

 

Hugh is also the author of S.C.A.M.: The Screenwriter's Code to Accumulating Millions; a.k.a. Syd Field on Acid, a wildly unpopular publication read by three people, including Hugh, himself.

 

From dating a XXX movie actress named Chocolate, to scanning the skies for anomalous craft on the fringes of Area 51, Hugh has indulged in a few of life's innumerable pleasures.

 

Proud to be able to count the number of times he's worn a suit on one hand, Mr. Mungus is generally found wherever there's cheap alcohol, cheaper motels or anything remotely paranormal.

 

Feel free to follow What's to Stop an Atheist From Lying on the Witness Stand?, Hugh's contribution to the blogging world, at the first link below:

 

http://zzyzxparanormal.weebly.com/

 

Photos from the metaphysical motorway:

 

www.myspace.com/zzyzxparanormal

 

More pictures from supposedly spectral sites:

 

www.myspace.com/zzyzxparanormal2

 

Unless you're the IRS, or a vengeful husband, feel free to contact Hugh:

 

zzyzxparanormal@aol.com

 

Hugh's favorite brand of hooch:

 

http://theweek.com/article/index/211595/walgreens-50-cent-beer

 

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