I’ve seen probably hundreds of images of aliens, and of course expect to see what’s become familiar by now. Whether or not they’re “real” is beside the point. What’s important is the low level anxiety, the nervousness, the unease around these images at times. Why?

This feeling occurs around horses, and it makes some sense. I’ve had no training or experienced around horses, don’t know how to act, don’t know about horse behavior. Add ot that I’ve had two very scary episodes with horses. No wonder I have these feelings of anxiety around them. At the same time, I recognize them for the beings they are: beautiful creatures, and a vulnerability. I’m not sure where that last part comes rom, but that’s my intuitive sense about them.

Aliens: I don’t know about them either. To be honest, no one knows about them. Some of us have had unpleasant experiences with them as well, like the horses. Others seem quite comfortable, having had experience, a different kind of experience that is positive.

In spite of my uncomfortable experiences with horses, and the seemingly disjointed, negative vibe surruojindg aliens, I keep wanting to push things. I still go out in the pasture.

Why?

It’s probably a combination of things: curiosity, projection, the need to overcome fears. Yet I’m terrified of heights, and I’m not about to deal with that. Screw it, I’ll stay afraid of heights. I don’t need to confront that fear; don’t want to, won’t do it. I’ll just stay off ladders and roofs and cliffs and I’ll be fine. So why do I push on with these?

Some might say it’s a sort of madness, to continue exploring something that elicits fear. Maybe “fear” is actually too strong a word. It’s more like a buzz, an uncomfortable current that runs semi-quietly through me at some sub-level. Others might say this need to be almost compulsive about this pursuit of UFOs/beings is part of a spiritual journey.

Whatever it is, it is. I’m doing it, I’ve been doing it. I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. Even when silly images of pop culture aliens jump out at me and give me the creeps.

Notes: Regan Lee, Unexpected Reactions, Trickster’s Realm/Binnall of America, September 2006. The Debris Field, Lesley’s blog.