"A BRAIN TUMOR WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR?"
By Cynthia Konold
(Copyright 2008, Cynthia Konold - All Rights Reserved)
Posted: 15:20 May 25, 2008
Shortly after my 52nd birthday, I began to write my autobiography, as it has long been a family tradition. At the time, I was in a positive frame of mind, enjoying the remaining period of my seasonal lay-off, from my job at an aquatic plant nursery. I was looking forward to this new hobby, to occupy myself with, during the remainder of the cold winter weather.
I decided to compile a collection of short stories, from my life, which I had found to be humorous or interesting, and insert them in chronological order, as I had been told, both in school and college, that while I wrote well enough, my writing was more suited for an encyclopedia or instruction manual, than personal enjoyment. I first wrote the pieces: "Word of Walt", "Newton Experiments", "Stolen Hour", "Einstein & the Inside Joke", and a few other assorted shorts. It was after I wrote the piece on "Spirals", and thought about those symbols all in a row, that I figured out their meaning… and created the "Shape & Symbol Survey", to see if others saw the same things, I did.
Next, I wrote "Theory Of Everything" and "Piece Of The Puzzle", to express my views on "true time and space". But when I wrote the "Screw Them If They Can't Take A Joke - Physics Geek" piece, I realized something or someone was beginning to come through… My own sub-conscious mind?
No, this "guy" doesn't seem to be me, he's someone else… An alien?… Insanity?… A brain tumor, with a sense of humor?…
Is this real, or am I having "audio and ambulatory" delusions"? Because the words flowed out of me, faster than I could write, (one reason my notebook is so hard to read), and when I read, some of the things I'd written back, I wondered how I could have known that, in the first place… I also added side notes, often written vertically, along the edge of the page, which I didn't always remember even writing… It seemed sometimes I heard thoughts, and was transcribing them into "script"…
After a short while, I began "printing" the comments, of this other person, while I generally write my own thoughts and opinions in "cursive" style… Was I suffering from a form of "schizophrenia" or "multiple personality disorder"? I then wrote the piece, "There's a Meaning in Your Mind", in hopes a friend or relative, would give it a try, to see if they saw anything, or felt they were communicating with their own sub-conscious mind, or someone else. So far, none of my family members have been interested in trying.
I didn't feel insane and nothing else in my life, seemed the least unusual, besides the symptoms didn't fit… I had to be in a relaxed, positive state of mind, to hear these "thought projections", and it seemed easier after dark… If I was stressed or irritated, they didn't come through, (Doubt I'd ever hear them, while driving in rush-hour traffic, thank goodness.) And while I needed to feel relaxed, I was far from a meditative or trance-like state, as I was routinely writing, smoking, eating, drinking, or walking around my apartment, during the times, I heard someone else's thoughts, in my mind… Maybe it was a "brain tumor"? But no symptoms there, either, no dizziness, blurred vision, confusion, or loss of muscle coordination… But perhaps only a "cat-scan" can tell for sure…
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