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UFO experience at had at a beach on Kihei
February 1, 1997
This is a tale I've avoided writing for my stomach churns in
anticipation of the upcoming memories. Before I was at the beach I
remembered being full of energy in my room about to journal. I was
suddenly moving so quickly that I couldn't seem to move at all. I got in
a fetal position on my knees facing the bed and starting rocking. Then I
was called to the beach a few blocks away for a reason I did not know at
the time- but soon my entire life would become clear.
After finally finding a spot on the beach in a space by the trees carved
out just for me, I lay my mat and towel down to enjoy the night sky. The
first thing I did was to pray to Father Sky, Mother Earth, and the
Spirit keepers of all four directions to be with me and "sit" for my
unsuspecting process. As I write this now I am flooded with memories I
can't seem to push away or draw clear.
The encounter happened from the start, as I now remember the glow on the
white sage held in my right hand as I caressed the air. I noticed a
green light trailing behind the sage. A neon green that was very
distinct but I wrote it off as my eyes playing tricks on me. I had a
surge of energy that needed releasing. I started to take a couple of
deep breaths when I was overcome by emotion. I cried and cried from a
depth that was unexplored. I prayed for surrender of my alcohol and
feelings around my "little story". I cried out to God, why? Why am I
left to talk with you and this beach? If there was a God, why not a
sign? A few times I thought I saw a shooting star yet with no beginning
or no end. Every cell in my body felt like a transmutation was occurring
at the speed of light.
I started spitting up a lot of saliva which felt full of outdated
negative beliefs as if coming from the cells of my body. I was holding
my head as my observer self was out and supporting the process as I
embraced my grief. I was feeling sad and realized there was a lost part
of myself that felt trapped somewhere, somehow, in some other time and
space. But how was that possible? All I kept thinking was, I remembered
who I am and how hard it was not to be validated growing up with no one
to share what was happened. What do I even mean when I write that? I
truly was alone to call out to other worlds. It was easier to drink and
dull my spiritual experiences rather then to experience God alone with
no mirror of my sanity. For sanity is merely relative to your frame of
reference anyway. Now what? I kept thinking and feeling thoughts that
even I could not understand. Like "I know who I am" and "I was never
validated for my experiences". What the hell does that mean? Even now as
I write this, I look at my written English mistakes like "no one to
share what was happened". What happened? I don't know. I haven't the ego
strength to face the truth.
In my dreams as a child I remember trying to scream in the astral plane.
I could hear myself and I couldn't understand how on one could hear me.
No, that was not my "one bad reoccurring dream" as I referred to it as.
That was my personal life experience as crazy as it feels. I would
sleep with the closest doors being checked nightly and facing the doos
to the room as my stuffed animal Suzie would protect my back. Where is
Suzie? Now there is no one to protect me. Right now I would kill for hat
stuffed animal.
Remembering another reoccurring dream. It's dark, nighttime- my mom is
in bed with me, holding me, then I am safe to call them from my closest.
They come but I am not afraid. My mom is there. Maybe as a child I had
to have that dream to feel safe. Maybe it was a child's way of
"correcting "the experience when they would come and she was not there.
How does this fit now? I need to tell a few people I trust, just to be
heard. I don't want to numb again. I just notice that Cocoon is on TV. A
joke? Or will I continue to invoke these reminders until it is
processed? I feel better now having some insight and clarity on the
unclear. Sad, confused, lost, terrified. I look at an entry I wrote:
Sat nigth 1/25/97
"Shift began- alone crying on couch- knowing Great Sprit was there but
having
no connection- what to do but cry, cry, cry and pray for help from
Spirit."
Entry 1/30/97
".she looked surprised- in fact I've never seen her so blown away by
what I've done- of course referring to process group. She asked me if I
knew who I am and what I would be?. I am and I'm scared."
All this before the UFO experience.
This can't be happening to me. I stopped crying on the beach and looked
up at the stars trying to still me trembling body. No time seemed to
have passed by. The Moon did not move and my eyes could not leave the
sky. The stars transfixed me. My mind was feeling pulled as if it was
not my own. And if it was not my own, then whose was it? I kept drifting
into a state that felt like it was my subconscious mind. I would have a
whole memory of events that floated by which seemed to occur in a split
second as I drifted in and out of the dreamtime. Suddenly I was startled
by two small gray, quiet figures out of the corner of my eye that
scurried off to my right and vanished. I desperately grabbed a
flashlight to look for them but saw no one. I looked to my right and
looked to my left but nothing was there. Must have been the shadows
playing tricks with my. I noticed again that no time seemed to have
passed. Is it still 2:30am, somehow? No Lisa, too weird, I thought.
I looked back at the sky and noticed the clouds looked surreal and
different as well as the water. Suddenly, I saw a deep red glowing
light, which moved from right to left above the horizon. The whole sky
or world dimmed and I felt I could cut through the air. It seemed to be
made of a consistency I had not known. The light turned white before my
very eyes. It's a plane I though. Then the light stopped. Holly shit!
What was I witnessing? This can't be happening. My eyes wide, mouth
open, I was paralyzed.
Then I saw a plane coming from left to right, which was a great contrast
to the strange light. I knew then it was not a plane at all. It
continued to my left and moved back and forth in a zigzag motion while
leaving trails behind. Then the bright white light separated into two
lights. I realized I hadn't been breathing. My god, I was witnessing
something for what seemed like about 20 minutes. Hovering, they were
communicating with each other. I kept thinking they would disappear when
something took my attention on my right. A huge Mother ship right in
front of me. I felt like an animal who had been spotted. The fear turned
into pure unadulterated terror. They're coming for me and nothing can
stop them I thought in a panic.
Then I flashed to the monsters I feared in my closet as a child. On the
right side, a doorway to another dimension. I remembered being asleep
and the monster would come and no one would hear me. Then one dream of
going outside in the monsters lap. It was so real. He almost glided and
was moving away from my house so fast. Help me mommy and daddy, why
can't you protect me? I am scarred, why can't I sleep with you? I don't
want to be alone or the monster will take me away from you forever?
The ship was huge with one red light on the left and bright translucent
lights moving in a circular motion that seemed to outline the bottom.
There was one "spotlight" coming down from the ship reflecting on the
water. I also heard a low, deep OM (humming sound and vibrational
feeling). Here it comes I thought to myself. I felt like fainting but to
go unconscious would mean the unthinkable. I remembered a teacher of
mine once saying how Great Spirit was all-powerful, so I desperately
searched for my sage and a lighter, never taking my eyes off the
approaching ship. Terror rippled through my cells. Should I have run
into the bush? Scream? I lit the sage and prayed to Great Spirit, my
spirit guides and prayed from a place inside that I never knew existed.
It suddenly stopped.
After they stopped, they started moving to the right behind the hotel. I
got up and stumbled to walk as I said to myself "I am in my power" over
and over again and walked towards them. They moved to the right out of
sight over the hotel. I was about 10 yards away from the blanket looking
towards my right for a glimpse of the ship when my attention was taken
to the left. I heard the OM again and saw the ship. I was about to
faint, as I struggled for consciousness. I felt like I was going to be
sick. I saw four ships in a row. Two on my far left were still there.
Out of the larger one in front of me I saw lights streaming out from the
bottom. They were smaller ships.
My God they were telling me things telepathically. Shit, were we being
invaded, I thought. I have to warn people. My right leg was shaking and
I couldn't stand yet I did. Something felt like it had a hold of me
energetically. My body was being pulled to the ground, I could hardly
move and was not breathing. I was transfixed. I saw four at once, maybe
more. Again, I thought to myself what is happening to my body? I felt
lethargic and surrounded. "Get out of my head!". I looked quickly around
me but saw no one. I looked up. What are you doing to me? I felt
surrounded again. I saw in my head these small beings all around me-
waiting and watching- approaching. Stop! Out loud I said, "Please don't
grab me". I would surely snap. Were they taking me home? I was alone on
the beach yet surrounded. I felt a presence greater then I have ever
felt in this dimension.
In a moment they left. No more presence was felt. I fell down on my tush
as if released. I sat, unable to move. I looked up at the ships. I saw
one go through a cloud. I noticed the sun was coming up. I was stuck in
another dimension. I couldn't get back. What had happened for the last 5
hours? I needed help or I might never had come back. I didn't think I
would be believed. I was sure it would have been in the news. The sky
became light and I thought to myself, you guys better leave now. I still
couldn't move- was I breathing? I was wet and cold and sandy. Could I
walk? Talk? Let alone drive? A man came walking from my right. Was he
real? Yes, he was and he said "hello". My eyes were crying out for
reason. "Hi", I said. I got up tired, exhausted, confused, scared, and
stuck between worlds. I picked up a rock and it said to me "I am Alien
memory rock to be accessed when the time is right". I walked back to the
car in a daze. A dirty beach man harassed me. Asked me something- he had
a van. "Did I need a ride?" he asked." "Nope" I replied. Would he try to
kidnap me and put me in van? I kept walking with no energy to fight. I
held my power knife close by my side. After what I've been through the
last five hours I'll be damned if you'll take me. I walked to the car.
It took so much effort to get in. Where was the key? I sat in the car
and tried to ground. Gather thoughts- could I drive? I felt like a
stunned animal. I grabbed my journal and forced down some information. I
couldn't write. I drove slowly back to the house. It was now 7:30am. I
walked to my room. I couldn't think. I wanted to tell Linda but feared
embarrassment. I needed help. I couldn't focus. I called Linda and
Jeremiah wouldn't let me talk to her. That asshole.
What to do now? I went to my room and crawled into bed with he comforter
wrapped around me, after getting dressed for the days outing. Could I
fake it in front of the group? I held my head up for fear of closing my
eyes. I still couldn't come back to this dimension. Linda please hurry.
I think I felt bad for what I saw. I dosed off and woke up to Linda
knocking on the door. Thank you God I was back. I've made it back to
this dimension. Linda was sitting on the bed looking at me and I was
reading her thoughts. She had so many conflicting feelings- she was
unsure what to do. She started by telling me she believed me. I couldn't
hear her, she didn't know who I was anymore. I couldn't speak to say
stop. Please read my eyes, I can't communicate. I can't hear you. I was
struggling to keep up.
We got in the car and she sat in the back with me. I told her a little
about the night and she said she had some thoughts and insights to share
and we would get together later. "Are you traumatized?" she asked. "I
didn't know", I replied. I couldn't stop my mind from thinking about
last night. This can't be happening. Try to be happy Lisa. Pretend. I
can't share this. Linda and I never talk about is again.
The group went to the birthing pools. I felt scared and faint. We were
in a small cave called the labor room and they started to chant. NO! Not
that hum, please group stop. I looked outside and wondered if they were
coming back. Linda kept saying we'd talk all day and that never
happened. I was angry. Felt abandoned. I wished I would have just shut
up and not said anything.
At the closing ritual that night I was so not happy. It was hard to hold
what happened by myself. We drove to the beach and as soon as I got out
of the car, I immediately saw a huge mother ship- "Look!" I told Kim.
"Sorry Lisa, I didn't hear you". "Rose, look!" "That's a ship", she
said.
I gave up, fuck you! I didn't see or experience anything. I vowed to
forget anything happened. Fuck God telling me stuff, fuck the UFO, fuck
my path, I'm done. It's not fair. I sat down on the beach and said over
and over again "It never happened" trying to brainwash myself. If Linda
ever asks me about last night, I'd say, "what aliens?" Then to my right
I saw at least 6 ships over the horizon glowing. Turning red and then
white. Disappearing and then reappearing. The big Mother ship on my left
was lighting up. They were talking to me again.. I jumped up. "You
mother fuckers are fucking with me!" I said. I walked to join the other
in the circle. I was behind Linda. She turned to me and said, "give me a
kiss". My love for her never changed. I kissed her and showed her the
ships. She saw them and then I pointed to the Mother ship to our left.
It was large and lit up. It did not really move. Not like the previous
night. Linda said, "are those them?" "Yes", I said and we watched them
the whole ritual. I looked around a the other group members in the
circle, what was wrong with these people, can they not see. I thought
the twilight Zone was only a movie but it had become my life.
We watched them and drummed. I heard them like clear voices in my head.
They wanted me to help them and give me information. They were studying
us during our ritual. Enjoying and pleased. They told me I couldn't
forget. To this day I have tried everything to forget and turn my back
on that experience and those hat followed. The ritual was over. Linda
and I were the only ones who saw anything. She said goodbye to them and
told me to go to bed. NO! I had to hear them. You can't write this off
as an isolated experience. They won't let me.
I tried to go to bed and to sleep after being up for well over 24 hours.
I see my teddy bear wave to me as I was slightly hallucinating from no
sleep and little food. I turned the light off and drifted yet again not
to sleep but into another dimension. They came for me that night. I was
scared and I screamed. I fell to sleep. Another soaking wet nightshirt
and no dreams. I changed shirts and went back to bed. I woke up for he
day. I was different. I knew I was shaman. I knew who I was. Good bye
aliens. Maybe Linda was right.
But not quite so fast because I saw them again at the restaurant the
last night. "Look Rose". "Oh that's a plane Lisa", she said. "A hovering
plane?" I responded. "Look Kim Look". "Oh that's a star". "That same
star was just a plane to Rose". I laughed out loud. "What's so funny
Lisa?" "Nothing guys". I knew it wouldn't leave me. We all have work to
do.
I came home to San Francisco he next day and told Nita. She believed me.
I got up to go to the bathroom and I returned to her room. She was
standing by her closet door which was open. Like a bolt of lightening I
remembered. I was finally seeing the truth about my "monster" in my
closet. It was real. I remembered! I felt like I was four. I huddled
against the door while Nita gathered me in her arms and laid me on her
bed.
My God it wasn't a reoccurring dream! Nita I am not crazy! I feel crazy
but Linda saw it to. We can't both be nuts, can we? Nita, my God, this
can't be true yet it all makes sense. Terrified to sleep alone. Sleeping
with Danny at age 6, at 13 not sleeping alone, terrified, insomnia. 6th
grade telling mom I never closed my eyes to get to sleep, I was scared
of what would happen in my dreams. All those nights of waking up or
going to bed "stuck" in-between worlds. Being paralyzed and screaming
but not being auditory. That dream of the large man smothering my body
and being paralyzed yet feeling.my asthma at age 4 diagnosed. My colds
as a young child-pneumonia, septicemia- getting my dad to check my
closet over and over again until he said it was clear without looking
back and saying "goodnight guys". Did I think he was helping them? Such
anger I had at him. And then at 9 years old being so angry and punching
walls. Wanting downers at such a young age before anything, just to numb
out.
That night they were there. I heard and felt them. They tried to pull me
that night but I fought. I kept screaming. "Help!" "Help!" and "No!"
"No!" And would break the pull they had on me with a jerk. I woke up
tangled in my own sheets.
Another dream I remembered when I was young. Running to the kitchen and
becoming frozen just before I crossed the doorway. Mom couldn't hear me
or see me. I tried to scream but nothing came. I looked over my left
shoulder and the monster (same as always) came from my room. I looked
back at mom, not seen, monster got me.
I remembered another dream. I am laying in bed with mom and she is
holding me so it is safe and I call on "the closet monsters". They come
but I am not scared- my mom is there to protect me.
Did I have that dream as a child as a correction for what was happening
when I was alone? Was that a 6-year-olds way of dealing? Or did I wait
for when she laid down with me and drifted off to call the monsters so I
wouldn't have to go alone? My, am I nuts! I don't think so. I would have
thought harder about it if Linda hadn't seen them.
Did something happen to me on the beach that opened up repressed
encounters as a child? I was thinking logically about a illogical
occurrence- working backwards and forwards.
A green glow- sage- feeling pulled- loss of time- then the ships. Did
something start at Esalen? That's when my drinking became everyday and I
drew an alien in a triangle with "I've arrived at Esalen" written in it.
I was told that I would scream and moan in my sleep often and have these
night sweats. Maybe at Esalen memories were coming up and I drank more-
weird- I bought 5 glow in the dark aliens and got and Alien pick from a
friend there. Was something unconsciously surfacing?
Everything felt like it made sense. Then two nights after telling Nita
the story seeing a figure standing in Nita's room that freaked out
Casey. Then Dashiel kiddingly said he thought it went into the closet.
Nita then had a vision of me being grabbed by an Alien.
Now what. It is like they were using me. It was so unclear. It was like
the biggest challenge I had was to break through the interference in
order to make myself heard. Now I was in doubt. How do I receive the
messages? Nita said I was describing Samahdi. The sacred Om, not
breathing, thick air, dim lights.Now I had to start school in 3 days yet
I thought I saw the red moving glow last night. I was so tired; so
tired. I prayed for guidance and help. I had more faith in my little
pinky then I had ever had in the past. I knew I couldn't leave this
alone for a long period. Maybe a break. I knew I was safe now. I was
connected to Great Spirit. Alcohol interferes and Pot and Pills.
All this happened 2/1/97= 11 Stargate
2/11/97 Important note
Important fact I remembered was that at one point the ship became
virtually invisible. I saw it move from right to left and I saw an
energy field covering it and the spinning lights on the bottom. This was
when it was light. This told me they could have chosen not to be seen. I
tried to put this away- behind me and I can't. Everywhere I looked I saw
alien stuff. I saw a car with a bumper sticker with an alien face. I
walked into Longs and saw an alien necklace. I saw a whole car with an
alien all over it. It became a joke. I was so in touch with the light. I
was stable and secure during this awakening yet I was not sleeping and
when I was I didn't remember my dreams, (which is odd) and I woke up in
a sweat. I slept with an extra shirt by my bed to change into it in the
middle of the night. The dreams I did remember involved them. Even my
unconsciousness believed me.
I looked through some of my journals and found pictures and poems
depicting shadows- dreams- questions of why? And I mentioned "them" and
"I will be the chosen one". My poems were based on an unknown or blocked
out reality that is too unreal, even for me. I can't doubt. I need help.
I'll be okay. I need a group. Great Spirit had been inside of me. I had
humor that objectively observed my present life. How ironic life is. I
had never been more grounded, centered, happier then my mind can
remember. I felt grateful everyday and thanked the creator for this gift
of life. I had been awakened and now I saw- and I could not not see.
That meant everything. I was ready for the responsibility. I had been
reborn.
8/11/01 late
Today, I stand naked, trembling at the threshold once again as the
Gargoyles at the gate invade my sanity and taunt the grasp of my
crumbling ego. Through their silent shrieking they dare me to release
that last piece of controlled illusion connecting me to my archaic
realities. Those last few glorious beliefs that seem to regulate my
heartbeat as well as every thought, desire, and action that has
motivated my dysfunction. That to let go of would mean total
annihilation of who I think I am or more accurately stated, who I have
thought myself to be. Can I, as this mere human being that I am
embodying, fallible and irreverent have the capacity to survive this
initiation? This path of the living dead that will continue for eternity
which will not only transform my current body, mind, heart and soul but
those of the souls around me. Can I humbly and piously cross this fiery
portal that holds the key to my future existence? That vortex of
incarnation for the I am I desire to be? To say yes would be to insult
the very essence of letting go. To say no would be to doubt God's
existence. To say I truly do not know would be to honor the notion of
unconditional surrender. One moment at a time, I choose to believe and
nurture that possibility.
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