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UFO experience at had at a beach on Kihei

February 1, 1997

This is a tale I've avoided writing for my stomach churns in anticipation of the upcoming memories. Before I was at the beach I remembered being full of energy in my room about to journal. I was suddenly moving so quickly that I couldn't seem to move at all. I got in a fetal position on my knees facing the bed and starting rocking. Then I was called to the beach a few blocks away for a reason I did not know at the time- but soon my entire life would become clear.

After finally finding a spot on the beach in a space by the trees carved out just for me, I lay my mat and towel down to enjoy the night sky. The first thing I did was to pray to Father Sky, Mother Earth, and the Spirit keepers of all four directions to be with me and "sit" for my unsuspecting process. As I write this now I am flooded with memories I can't seem to push away or draw clear.

The encounter happened from the start, as I now remember the glow on the white sage held in my right hand as I caressed the air. I noticed a green light trailing behind the sage. A neon green that was very distinct but I wrote it off as my eyes playing tricks on me. I had a surge of energy that needed releasing. I started to take a couple of deep breaths when I was overcome by emotion. I cried and cried from a depth that was unexplored. I prayed for surrender of my alcohol and feelings around my "little story". I cried out to God, why? Why am I left to talk with you and this beach? If there was a God, why not a sign? A few times I thought I saw a shooting star yet with no beginning or no end. Every cell in my body felt like a transmutation was occurring at the speed of light.

I started spitting up a lot of saliva which felt full of outdated negative beliefs as if coming from the cells of my body. I was holding my head as my observer self was out and supporting the process as I embraced my grief. I was feeling sad and realized there was a lost part of myself that felt trapped somewhere, somehow, in some other time and space. But how was that possible? All I kept thinking was, I remembered who I am and how hard it was not to be validated growing up with no one to share what was happened. What do I even mean when I write that? I truly was alone to call out to other worlds. It was easier to drink and dull my spiritual experiences rather then to experience God alone with no mirror of my sanity. For sanity is merely relative to your frame of reference anyway. Now what? I kept thinking and feeling thoughts that even I could not understand. Like "I know who I am" and "I was never validated for my experiences". What the hell does that mean? Even now as I write this, I look at my written English mistakes like "no one to share what was happened". What happened? I don't know. I haven't the ego strength to face the truth.

In my dreams as a child I remember trying to scream in the astral plane. I could hear myself and I couldn't understand how on one could hear me. No, that was not my "one bad reoccurring dream" as I referred to it as. That was my personal life experience as crazy as it feels. I would sleep with the closest doors being checked nightly and facing the doos to the room as my stuffed animal Suzie would protect my back. Where is Suzie? Now there is no one to protect me. Right now I would kill for hat stuffed animal.

Remembering another reoccurring dream. It's dark, nighttime- my mom is in bed with me, holding me, then I am safe to call them from my closest. They come but I am not afraid. My mom is there. Maybe as a child I had to have that dream to feel safe. Maybe it was a child's way of "correcting "the experience when they would come and she was not there. How does this fit now? I need to tell a few people I trust, just to be heard. I don't want to numb again. I just notice that Cocoon is on TV. A joke? Or will I continue to invoke these reminders until it is processed? I feel better now having some insight and clarity on the unclear. Sad, confused, lost, terrified. I look at an entry I wrote:

Sat nigth 1/25/97
"Shift began- alone crying on couch- knowing Great Sprit was there but having no connection- what to do but cry, cry, cry and pray for help from Spirit."

Entry 1/30/97
".she looked surprised- in fact I've never seen her so blown away by what I've done- of course referring to process group. She asked me if I knew who I am and what I would be?. I am and I'm scared."

All this before the UFO experience.

This can't be happening to me. I stopped crying on the beach and looked up at the stars trying to still me trembling body. No time seemed to have passed by. The Moon did not move and my eyes could not leave the sky. The stars transfixed me. My mind was feeling pulled as if it was not my own. And if it was not my own, then whose was it? I kept drifting into a state that felt like it was my subconscious mind. I would have a whole memory of events that floated by which seemed to occur in a split second as I drifted in and out of the dreamtime. Suddenly I was startled by two small gray, quiet figures out of the corner of my eye that scurried off to my right and vanished. I desperately grabbed a flashlight to look for them but saw no one. I looked to my right and looked to my left but nothing was there. Must have been the shadows playing tricks with my. I noticed again that no time seemed to have passed. Is it still 2:30am, somehow? No Lisa, too weird, I thought.

I looked back at the sky and noticed the clouds looked surreal and different as well as the water. Suddenly, I saw a deep red glowing light, which moved from right to left above the horizon. The whole sky or world dimmed and I felt I could cut through the air. It seemed to be made of a consistency I had not known. The light turned white before my very eyes. It's a plane I though. Then the light stopped. Holly shit! What was I witnessing? This can't be happening. My eyes wide, mouth open, I was paralyzed.

Then I saw a plane coming from left to right, which was a great contrast to the strange light. I knew then it was not a plane at all. It continued to my left and moved back and forth in a zigzag motion while leaving trails behind. Then the bright white light separated into two lights. I realized I hadn't been breathing. My god, I was witnessing something for what seemed like about 20 minutes. Hovering, they were communicating with each other. I kept thinking they would disappear when something took my attention on my right. A huge Mother ship right in front of me. I felt like an animal who had been spotted. The fear turned into pure unadulterated terror. They're coming for me and nothing can stop them I thought in a panic.

Then I flashed to the monsters I feared in my closet as a child. On the right side, a doorway to another dimension. I remembered being asleep and the monster would come and no one would hear me. Then one dream of going outside in the monsters lap. It was so real. He almost glided and was moving away from my house so fast. Help me mommy and daddy, why can't you protect me? I am scarred, why can't I sleep with you? I don't want to be alone or the monster will take me away from you forever?

The ship was huge with one red light on the left and bright translucent lights moving in a circular motion that seemed to outline the bottom. There was one "spotlight" coming down from the ship reflecting on the water. I also heard a low, deep OM (humming sound and vibrational feeling). Here it comes I thought to myself. I felt like fainting but to go unconscious would mean the unthinkable. I remembered a teacher of mine once saying how Great Spirit was all-powerful, so I desperately searched for my sage and a lighter, never taking my eyes off the approaching ship. Terror rippled through my cells. Should I have run into the bush? Scream? I lit the sage and prayed to Great Spirit, my spirit guides and prayed from a place inside that I never knew existed. It suddenly stopped.

After they stopped, they started moving to the right behind the hotel. I got up and stumbled to walk as I said to myself "I am in my power" over and over again and walked towards them. They moved to the right out of sight over the hotel. I was about 10 yards away from the blanket looking towards my right for a glimpse of the ship when my attention was taken to the left. I heard the OM again and saw the ship. I was about to faint, as I struggled for consciousness. I felt like I was going to be sick. I saw four ships in a row. Two on my far left were still there. Out of the larger one in front of me I saw lights streaming out from the bottom. They were smaller ships.

My God they were telling me things telepathically. Shit, were we being invaded, I thought. I have to warn people. My right leg was shaking and I couldn't stand yet I did. Something felt like it had a hold of me energetically. My body was being pulled to the ground, I could hardly move and was not breathing. I was transfixed. I saw four at once, maybe more. Again, I thought to myself what is happening to my body? I felt lethargic and surrounded. "Get out of my head!". I looked quickly around me but saw no one. I looked up. What are you doing to me? I felt surrounded again. I saw in my head these small beings all around me- waiting and watching- approaching. Stop! Out loud I said, "Please don't grab me". I would surely snap. Were they taking me home? I was alone on the beach yet surrounded. I felt a presence greater then I have ever felt in this dimension.

In a moment they left. No more presence was felt. I fell down on my tush as if released. I sat, unable to move. I looked up at the ships. I saw one go through a cloud. I noticed the sun was coming up. I was stuck in another dimension. I couldn't get back. What had happened for the last 5 hours? I needed help or I might never had come back. I didn't think I would be believed. I was sure it would have been in the news. The sky became light and I thought to myself, you guys better leave now. I still couldn't move- was I breathing? I was wet and cold and sandy. Could I walk? Talk? Let alone drive? A man came walking from my right. Was he real? Yes, he was and he said "hello". My eyes were crying out for reason. "Hi", I said. I got up tired, exhausted, confused, scared, and stuck between worlds. I picked up a rock and it said to me "I am Alien memory rock to be accessed when the time is right". I walked back to the car in a daze. A dirty beach man harassed me. Asked me something- he had a van. "Did I need a ride?" he asked." "Nope" I replied. Would he try to kidnap me and put me in van? I kept walking with no energy to fight. I held my power knife close by my side. After what I've been through the last five hours I'll be damned if you'll take me. I walked to the car. It took so much effort to get in. Where was the key? I sat in the car and tried to ground. Gather thoughts- could I drive? I felt like a stunned animal. I grabbed my journal and forced down some information. I couldn't write. I drove slowly back to the house. It was now 7:30am. I walked to my room. I couldn't think. I wanted to tell Linda but feared embarrassment. I needed help. I couldn't focus. I called Linda and Jeremiah wouldn't let me talk to her. That asshole.

What to do now? I went to my room and crawled into bed with he comforter wrapped around me, after getting dressed for the days outing. Could I fake it in front of the group? I held my head up for fear of closing my eyes. I still couldn't come back to this dimension. Linda please hurry. I think I felt bad for what I saw. I dosed off and woke up to Linda knocking on the door. Thank you God I was back. I've made it back to this dimension. Linda was sitting on the bed looking at me and I was reading her thoughts. She had so many conflicting feelings- she was unsure what to do. She started by telling me she believed me. I couldn't hear her, she didn't know who I was anymore. I couldn't speak to say stop. Please read my eyes, I can't communicate. I can't hear you. I was struggling to keep up. We got in the car and she sat in the back with me. I told her a little about the night and she said she had some thoughts and insights to share and we would get together later. "Are you traumatized?" she asked. "I didn't know", I replied. I couldn't stop my mind from thinking about last night. This can't be happening. Try to be happy Lisa. Pretend. I can't share this. Linda and I never talk about is again.

The group went to the birthing pools. I felt scared and faint. We were in a small cave called the labor room and they started to chant. NO! Not that hum, please group stop. I looked outside and wondered if they were coming back. Linda kept saying we'd talk all day and that never happened. I was angry. Felt abandoned. I wished I would have just shut up and not said anything.

At the closing ritual that night I was so not happy. It was hard to hold what happened by myself. We drove to the beach and as soon as I got out of the car, I immediately saw a huge mother ship- "Look!" I told Kim. "Sorry Lisa, I didn't hear you". "Rose, look!" "That's a ship", she said.

I gave up, fuck you! I didn't see or experience anything. I vowed to forget anything happened. Fuck God telling me stuff, fuck the UFO, fuck my path, I'm done. It's not fair. I sat down on the beach and said over and over again "It never happened" trying to brainwash myself. If Linda ever asks me about last night, I'd say, "what aliens?" Then to my right I saw at least 6 ships over the horizon glowing. Turning red and then white. Disappearing and then reappearing. The big Mother ship on my left was lighting up. They were talking to me again.. I jumped up. "You mother fuckers are fucking with me!" I said. I walked to join the other in the circle. I was behind Linda. She turned to me and said, "give me a kiss". My love for her never changed. I kissed her and showed her the ships. She saw them and then I pointed to the Mother ship to our left. It was large and lit up. It did not really move. Not like the previous night. Linda said, "are those them?" "Yes", I said and we watched them the whole ritual. I looked around a the other group members in the circle, what was wrong with these people, can they not see. I thought the twilight Zone was only a movie but it had become my life.

We watched them and drummed. I heard them like clear voices in my head. They wanted me to help them and give me information. They were studying us during our ritual. Enjoying and pleased. They told me I couldn't forget. To this day I have tried everything to forget and turn my back on that experience and those hat followed. The ritual was over. Linda and I were the only ones who saw anything. She said goodbye to them and told me to go to bed. NO! I had to hear them. You can't write this off as an isolated experience. They won't let me.

I tried to go to bed and to sleep after being up for well over 24 hours. I see my teddy bear wave to me as I was slightly hallucinating from no sleep and little food. I turned the light off and drifted yet again not to sleep but into another dimension. They came for me that night. I was scared and I screamed. I fell to sleep. Another soaking wet nightshirt and no dreams. I changed shirts and went back to bed. I woke up for he day. I was different. I knew I was shaman. I knew who I was. Good bye aliens. Maybe Linda was right.

But not quite so fast because I saw them again at the restaurant the last night. "Look Rose". "Oh that's a plane Lisa", she said. "A hovering plane?" I responded. "Look Kim Look". "Oh that's a star". "That same star was just a plane to Rose". I laughed out loud. "What's so funny Lisa?" "Nothing guys". I knew it wouldn't leave me. We all have work to do.

I came home to San Francisco he next day and told Nita. She believed me. I got up to go to the bathroom and I returned to her room. She was standing by her closet door which was open. Like a bolt of lightening I remembered. I was finally seeing the truth about my "monster" in my closet. It was real. I remembered! I felt like I was four. I huddled against the door while Nita gathered me in her arms and laid me on her bed.

My God it wasn't a reoccurring dream! Nita I am not crazy! I feel crazy but Linda saw it to. We can't both be nuts, can we? Nita, my God, this can't be true yet it all makes sense. Terrified to sleep alone. Sleeping with Danny at age 6, at 13 not sleeping alone, terrified, insomnia. 6th grade telling mom I never closed my eyes to get to sleep, I was scared of what would happen in my dreams. All those nights of waking up or going to bed "stuck" in-between worlds. Being paralyzed and screaming but not being auditory. That dream of the large man smothering my body and being paralyzed yet feeling.my asthma at age 4 diagnosed. My colds as a young child-pneumonia, septicemia- getting my dad to check my closet over and over again until he said it was clear without looking back and saying "goodnight guys". Did I think he was helping them? Such anger I had at him. And then at 9 years old being so angry and punching walls. Wanting downers at such a young age before anything, just to numb out.

That night they were there. I heard and felt them. They tried to pull me that night but I fought. I kept screaming. "Help!" "Help!" and "No!" "No!" And would break the pull they had on me with a jerk. I woke up tangled in my own sheets.

Another dream I remembered when I was young. Running to the kitchen and becoming frozen just before I crossed the doorway. Mom couldn't hear me or see me. I tried to scream but nothing came. I looked over my left shoulder and the monster (same as always) came from my room. I looked back at mom, not seen, monster got me.

I remembered another dream. I am laying in bed with mom and she is holding me so it is safe and I call on "the closet monsters". They come but I am not scared- my mom is there to protect me.

Did I have that dream as a child as a correction for what was happening when I was alone? Was that a 6-year-olds way of dealing? Or did I wait for when she laid down with me and drifted off to call the monsters so I wouldn't have to go alone? My, am I nuts! I don't think so. I would have thought harder about it if Linda hadn't seen them.

Did something happen to me on the beach that opened up repressed encounters as a child? I was thinking logically about a illogical occurrence- working backwards and forwards.

A green glow- sage- feeling pulled- loss of time- then the ships. Did something start at Esalen? That's when my drinking became everyday and I drew an alien in a triangle with "I've arrived at Esalen" written in it. I was told that I would scream and moan in my sleep often and have these night sweats. Maybe at Esalen memories were coming up and I drank more- weird- I bought 5 glow in the dark aliens and got and Alien pick from a friend there. Was something unconsciously surfacing?

Everything felt like it made sense. Then two nights after telling Nita the story seeing a figure standing in Nita's room that freaked out Casey. Then Dashiel kiddingly said he thought it went into the closet. Nita then had a vision of me being grabbed by an Alien.

Now what. It is like they were using me. It was so unclear. It was like the biggest challenge I had was to break through the interference in order to make myself heard. Now I was in doubt. How do I receive the messages? Nita said I was describing Samahdi. The sacred Om, not breathing, thick air, dim lights.Now I had to start school in 3 days yet I thought I saw the red moving glow last night. I was so tired; so tired. I prayed for guidance and help. I had more faith in my little pinky then I had ever had in the past. I knew I couldn't leave this alone for a long period. Maybe a break. I knew I was safe now. I was connected to Great Spirit. Alcohol interferes and Pot and Pills.

All this happened 2/1/97= 11 Stargate

2/11/97 Important note

Important fact I remembered was that at one point the ship became virtually invisible. I saw it move from right to left and I saw an energy field covering it and the spinning lights on the bottom. This was when it was light. This told me they could have chosen not to be seen. I tried to put this away- behind me and I can't. Everywhere I looked I saw alien stuff. I saw a car with a bumper sticker with an alien face. I walked into Longs and saw an alien necklace. I saw a whole car with an alien all over it. It became a joke. I was so in touch with the light. I was stable and secure during this awakening yet I was not sleeping and when I was I didn't remember my dreams, (which is odd) and I woke up in a sweat. I slept with an extra shirt by my bed to change into it in the middle of the night. The dreams I did remember involved them. Even my unconsciousness believed me.

I looked through some of my journals and found pictures and poems depicting shadows- dreams- questions of why? And I mentioned "them" and "I will be the chosen one". My poems were based on an unknown or blocked out reality that is too unreal, even for me. I can't doubt. I need help. I'll be okay. I need a group. Great Spirit had been inside of me. I had humor that objectively observed my present life. How ironic life is. I had never been more grounded, centered, happier then my mind can remember. I felt grateful everyday and thanked the creator for this gift of life. I had been awakened and now I saw- and I could not not see. That meant everything. I was ready for the responsibility. I had been reborn.

8/11/01 late Today, I stand naked, trembling at the threshold once again as the Gargoyles at the gate invade my sanity and taunt the grasp of my crumbling ego. Through their silent shrieking they dare me to release that last piece of controlled illusion connecting me to my archaic realities. Those last few glorious beliefs that seem to regulate my heartbeat as well as every thought, desire, and action that has motivated my dysfunction. That to let go of would mean total annihilation of who I think I am or more accurately stated, who I have thought myself to be. Can I, as this mere human being that I am embodying, fallible and irreverent have the capacity to survive this initiation? This path of the living dead that will continue for eternity which will not only transform my current body, mind, heart and soul but those of the souls around me. Can I humbly and piously cross this fiery portal that holds the key to my future existence? That vortex of incarnation for the I am I desire to be? To say yes would be to insult the very essence of letting go. To say no would be to doubt God's existence. To say I truly do not know would be to honor the notion of unconditional surrender. One moment at a time, I choose to believe and nurture that possibility.


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