I’m afraid of horses. Don’t want to be, just am. I like horses, they are beautiful animals. I just don’t know anything about horses, and, I’ve had two scary experiences with horses years and years ago. So I’m a little nervous around them. Even so, I want to get to know horses. Not necessarily in order to ride them, though that’d be all right. Just be able to feel comfortable and grounded, safe and secure, and know what to do, how to be, around them.

I spent this weekend on the coast with good friends. A beautiful property, and area, miles and miles away from any city. Walking through the very muddy pastures, all the while glancing over t the horse on the property, to make sure he wasn’t near me. The horse didn’t care, he made sure he was always anywhere we weren’t. He’s old, he’s lived there his whole life, he doesn’t let people get too close, so he wasn’t going to do anything. I hoped. The people assured me there was nothing to worry about, and while I trust them, I’ve also heard that one before when it comes to horses.

Whenever I’m out in the country, I of course look up. Up at the sky. the sky this past weekend on the Oregon coast where I was was gorgeous. Stormy at times, with huge clouds scudding across the sky, with brilliant patches of blue. And all the while, I was looking up, hoping of course, to see a UFO. Night time in the country is also inviting; looking up, I always hope to see something UFO-ish. I’m greedy, I’ve seen several UFOs, but I want more. The night sky this weekend, however, was much too overcast to see anything, no stars, nothing.

And while I've seen UFOs, and hope to see more, I don’t think beyond that. The UFO part is fine. But I don’t expect to see, or want to see, beings, entities, aliens or robotic devices emerging from them. I don’t wand, or expect, to see, the UFO land. Like the horses, I’m nervous around the whole thing.

There’s a certain point in my UFO journey, or process of discovery, or whatever it is I’m doing, that causes me to stop. I just don’t go any further. Like the horse in the pasture; I’m not going to make it a point to go up to him. I can see him fine from way back there, and I hope he stays way out there. And yet, with both, I put myself right in the pasture. I don’t have to go walking around there, knowings there’s a horse there. I don’t have to go outside and look up.

Sometimes this stopping point occurs unconscious and unexpectedly. With images of aliens, for example. Which in some ways is ridiculous, since the images of the aliens are not real; they’re illustrations, artistic expressions, personal interpretations. But they're not a photograph or video of the actual thing, and they’re not the actual thing at all.

Many years ago, while watching a television program on UFOs, an image of aliens looking down at some poor human presumably strapped to a table (regardless: he/she was certainly there against their will) came on the screen, and I almost jumped out of my chair, I was so freaked. Which of course made me feel very damn silly. A few months ago, an image came on the television of red eyed , gray like aliens, running towards the viewer. That also startled me in a very unexpected, nervous induing way. And today I was over at Lesley’s Debris Field blog, and the image she had up (which I borrowed and have here) did the same thing: creeped me out. (This last image: I didn’t even notice the little spindly bastards were moving until just now, when I was getting ready to post this. Hmm, double dose of creepy.)