Satircal Interview With God

Ron: Hi God. Thanks for taking the time from your busy schedule to do this interview.

God: My pleasure. It’s not often I get a chance to tell things from my vantage point. Usually no one takes the time to listen.

Ron: First thing I want to ask is how you feel about the way various individuals and groups have used your name to justify their actions?

God: The way My Name has been tossed about, taken in vain and used carelessly, it’s enough to put me into a vengeful Old Testament mood. Too many people think I’m their own personal manager, just ready on a moments notice to do their bidding. As the caretaker of the entire Universe, I don’t have time for every ribbon cutting ceremony, church picnic and so on. I really have to level with everyone that claims to speak for Me. The only reason they say the things they do is that they have no idea when to switch their mouths from drive to park. They hear but they don’t listen. They quote me without really giving a thought on what I think or say on any given topic. I’m tempted to sue for libel and slander. Some of them that invoke my Name never completed high school, so running the Universe is well beyond their capabilities. I can do without their help, thank you very much. I’m a busy God and I don’t have much use for idle chit chat from those who suffer from foot in mouth disease. So I’ve to set some boundaries on what I do.

Ron: How many of these religions or faiths are doing Your will or is it a case of them having some serious attitude?

God: I’ve seen some serious bad attitudes over the years. One thing I never wanted to have was anyone act on My behalf. Occasionally some has gotten enlightened enough to speak the truths I want out there for people to immerse themselves in. Problem is that too many of the enlightened have gotten roughed up. Since I’m quite capable of speaking for myself, I find it more convenient to stay in contact through a persons conscience. I do this for two reasons. One is that too many people get the words prophet and profit mixed up. Two is that when I sent one of my main men to Earth 2000 years ago to clear up a few things, it stirred up the pot so much that the resulting controvesy still hasn’t died down.

Ron: Other than the Bible have you sent any other inspirational material our way?

God: Quite a few actually. But you guys do such a great job in messing things up by claiming these writings belong to one sect alone. Each faith is guilty of doing this. Then every group starts calling the other a cult. Most of the reasons – excuses actually – are made up on the spot. I gave the human race these inspirations to lead you into a more abundant life, yet most of these inspirations have been run into the ground. All that is required is to sit still for a spell and listen to yourself. Yet most humans let their ego keep the blinders on.

Ron: What do you think we could do to improve our lot in life?

God: Take charge and responsibility of your own life. I see a lot of higher authourities suffering from lower consciousness running around saying “Do this, do that” or “Can do that, no can do that.” They sound like a bunch of tinpot dictators to me. I was thinking of increasing the banana supply to them and make sure they have their own vine to swing from. The bottom line is that people have to learn how to think as opposed to being told what to think.

Ron: What do you think of those groups who say there are a number of virgins waiting in the afterlife for those who die on a suicide mission?

God: Of course there isn’t. Never has, never will be. It’s one of the most absurd things humans have thought up. Whoever is offered this should ask for a 50% deposit of these virgins prior to the suicide mission. Be interesting to see what would happen next.

Ron: What’s the inside scoop on groups that claim to be more privileged or blessed by You?

God: Baloney. If anyone hears of a chosen race or that I bless one nation over another, forget it. The reality of the situation is that I don’t prefer any one person or race over the other. There’s enough of an ego problem on your planet now without anyone thinking I play favourites. That is why I had the second chapter of James included in the New Testament.

Ron: Has organized religion been any benefit?

God: I think some religious leaders have suffered from too many concussions or have been struck by lightening several times. No, I don’t throw lightening bolts at anyone despite the stories to the contrary. Too many religious groups think the world owes them a living. Plus I don’t trust anyone that wants 100% political power. After listening to some of these religious leaders with their verbal barf, I think it should be a wake up call on what not to do on a spiritual walk. Good news is that a higher consciousness will eventually spread around the world and into peoples lifes. When that happens, you’ll be seeing a lot of out of work evangelists and fundalmentalists standing in the unemployment line.

Ron: What do you think of those who want to change things for the better?

God: Depends on which way one wants to go. If it starts on the inside and works outward, fine. This is how it’s supposed to work. But if it’s being legislated from outside sources, forget it. Too many leaders just want blind obedience from the walking dead. Some ideas may be noble enough but it won’t bring about concrete changes. Those who want to legislate morality are usually on some form of power trip. Plus Big Money and Huge Egos have gotten in charge. There are those who say they are “working within the system.” Despite whatever good intentions they have, it’s still playing by the rules. Many don’t realize it’s a system put in place by the existing Power Structure to keep people locked into mental prisons.

Ron: Some say you’re not doing enough about getting rid of evil in our world. Just whose responsibility is it in getting rid of it?

God: We all need to do our part in getting rid of evil in the world. All I’m asking for is a little help here. I can get the ideas out but you humans have to do the footwork. Too many people have lost hope in themselves and other people. They have given up on life because they feel life has given up on them. They’re not doing enough life enhancing things to do or listen to negative chatter or spend too much time watching dumb TV instead of interacting with family, friends or pets.

Ron: Getting back to all the holy writing for a minute. How have they held up over the years for content and being a reliable source of information?

God: Most of those books are anywhere from a few hundread to thousands of years old. They were good for the time they were written in but all those holy writings aren’t that anymore. They’ve been re-edited so many times over by those who wanted to put their own private spin on things. Yet the way they’ve been quoted from, one would think they are on the new book shelf at Chapters or McNally/Robinson.

Ron: Since you’ve been around for awhile, what is the bottom line of what you’ve been trying to tell us?

God: The bottom line is do unto others as you would have do unto yourself. Find work you like doing. Take deep breathes. Enjoy some hobbies. Relax a little. Live life to the fullest.

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